Hi, it’s Candice —
There’s one question I return to again and again, both in my own quiet moments and in the work I do as an anxiety therapist.
It’s deceptively simple, yet it has a way of cutting through the noise when life feels heavy:
“How do I want to look back on this time and how I handled it?”
When a curveball lands — a sudden change at work, a health concern, a relationship strain, or just the accumulated weight of days that feel too much — anxiety tends to respond with its familiar script. It amplifies the uncertainty, fills in the blanks with worst-case scenarios, and convinces us that we’re not handling it well enough.
In those moments, the mind can get loud and narrow. The question does something different. It creates a small, intentional pause. It invites us to step back from the immediate spiral and consider the longer view — not as a way to bypass the difficulty, but as a way to meet it with more presence and agency.
What this question does with anxiety is subtle but profound.
It interrupts the automatic thought loop by shifting the lens from “Why is this happening to me?” to “Who do I want to be while this is happening?”
It gently challenges all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of “I’m either handling this perfectly or I’m failing,” it opens space for the more honest middle ground: “I’m struggling, and I’m still choosing how I want to show up today.”
It brings the focus back to what is within our control — our tone with ourselves, our next small decision, the way we care for our nervous system even when everything feels uncertain.
In CBT terms, it helps create distance from automatic thoughts so they lose some of their grip. In ACT language, it reconnects us to our values — the kind of person we want to be, even when anxiety is loud.
I’ve watched this question create real movement for high-functioning people who are used to powering through. It doesn’t erase the curveball, but it changes the relationship to it. It turns the experience from something that simply happens to us into something we actively shape, even in small ways.
That’s exactly the spirit behind the High Functioning But Fried workshop. We explore how anxiety shows up in the body and the mind during difficult seasons, and we practice simple, repeatable tools that help you respond with more steadiness and self-trust.
The replay is available now with lifetime access and the full digital workbook. If you’re in the middle of a hard chapter and looking for online therapy for anxiety that feels practical and human, this workshop was made for you (See Modern Therapy CB, click Workshops).
If you want these ideas tailored to the exact curveballs you’re facing right now, my 1:1 calendar is open.
Candice Beaton, LCSW
Modern Therapy CB
Online Therapy in California
References
- Beck, J. S. (2020). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford Press. (For the role of automatic thoughts and creating cognitive distance during difficult life events.)
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. (For values-based action and accepting difficult emotions while choosing how to respond.)
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. (For distress tolerance and focusing on what is within your control when facing uncertainty.)
- American Psychological Association. (2023). Coping with unexpected life changes and stress. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/life-changes
