Hi, it’s Candice —
One of the patterns I see most often with high-functioning anxiety is how quickly we catalog everything that’s going wrong while rarely pausing to acknowledge what’s going right — or even just what we’re managing.
We tie so much of our self-worth to outcomes. When things go well, it feels validating. When they don’t — a project stalls, a relationship struggles, or life simply feels heavy — that same measuring stick turns inward. We double down on the difficulty by telling ourselves we’re not doing enough, not handling it well enough, or that we should be further along by now.
This double hit is exhausting. You’re already moving through a hard season outside of your control, and then anxiety adds a second layer: self-criticism that makes the original challenge feel even heavier.
I’ve sat with many people who come to therapy for the first time carrying that exact weight. They often feel defeated before we even begin — as if reaching out is proof they’ve failed rather than evidence of strength.
My perspective is different. Heck yes — you recognized something was off. You didn’t know exactly how to move forward, but you knew enough to find someone who could help. That’s not failure. That’s insight. That’s courage. That’s you showing up for yourself in a meaningful way.
Giving yourself credit isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about balance. It’s refusing to let the loudest voice in your head be the only one that gets air time.
When we only notice what’s going wrong, anxiety thrives. It confirms its own story: “See? You’re not enough.” When we also notice what we’re doing — even the small, quiet things — we create space for a more accurate and compassionate view of ourselves.
This matters because anxiety feeds on that imbalance. The more we tie our worth to perfect outcomes, the more vulnerable we become when life inevitably throws curveballs. The more we practice recognizing our efforts, the more resilient we become.
Practical ways this can look:
After a hard day, instead of only listing what went wrong, add one thing you handled — even if it was simply getting through it.
When you feel defeated for needing support, reframe it: “I noticed I was struggling and took a step to change that.”
When anxiety says “You should be further along,” gently counter with “I’m navigating real challenges and I’m still here.”
These aren’t grand gestures. They’re quiet corrections that slowly loosen anxiety’s grip on your self-esteem.
This is exactly the kind of shift we explore in the High Functioning But Fried workshop. We look at how that inner dialogue fuels anxiety and practice simple, repeatable tools to respond differently — including learning to give yourself credit without minimizing the difficulty.
The replay is available now with lifetime access and the full digital workbook. If you’re a high-functioning person who looks like you have it together on the outside while your nervous system feels hot on the inside, this workshop was made for you. See Modern Therapy CB, click Workshops).
If you want these ideas tailored to the exact places where self-criticism and anxiety show up in your life, my 1:1 calendar is open .
You’re already doing more than you give yourself credit for. Recognizing that is a powerful place to begin.
Candice Beaton, LCSW
Modern Therapy CB
Online Therapy in California
- Beck, J. S. (2020). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford Press. (Core reference for automatic thoughts, self-criticism, and building balanced self-evaluation in anxiety.)
- Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow. (For the role of self-compassion in countering harsh self-judgment and improving resilience during difficult times.)
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. (For distress tolerance and the importance of acknowledging efforts amid emotional dysregulation.)
- American Psychological Association. (2023). Building resilience through self-compassion and balanced self-view. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/self-compassion
