What a trainer told her jockey before the race is something I’d say to anyone living with anxiety
One of the things I come back to most in my work as a therapist — and honestly, in my own life — is this idea that we are always waiting for the right conditions before we do the thing that would actually help us.
We wait to feel less anxious before we do the thing that reduces anxiety. We wait for more time before we make time. We wait for easier circumstances before we practice the skills that make hard circumstances easier. And in the meantime, anxiety stays right where it is — in charge.
So when I was watching a clip from the Kentucky Derby recently and trainer Cherie DeVaux was asked what advice she gave her jockey before the race, I stopped. Because what she said wasn’t a pep talk. It wasn’t a tactical breakdown. It was simple, direct, and exactly right.
Don’t overthink it. Find the path where you can — and go.
Standing at the gate of one of the most watched races in the world, with everything on the line and a hundred things outside their control — that was her advice. Find the path where you can.
That’s it. That’s the thing.
“There will always be a reason why you can’t take the walk, use the skill, or make time for yourself. The question is — can you find the path where you can?”
Why this is so hard when anxiety is involved
Here’s the version I see all the time. You know that going for a walk helps. You’ve felt it — that shift when you get outside, move your body, let your brain breathe for a minute. It works. You know it works.
And yet.
It’s too hot. You’re too tired. You only have twelve minutes and that doesn’t feel like enough so why bother. The kids are home. You didn’t sleep well. You’ll do it tomorrow when things settle — and then tomorrow comes with its own list, and the walk doesn’t happen again.
I want to be really clear about something: that is not laziness. That is not weakness. That is anxiety doing exactly what it was built to do — keep you safe by keeping you still. And it is very, very good at making that feel completely reasonable.
Anxiety doesn’t hand you wild, irrational excuses. It hands you real ones. Ones you can’t argue with. And then it waits.
The loop that keeps anxiety in charge
When we avoid the thing — whatever the thing is — we feel better. Briefly. The discomfort lifts, the pressure eases, and the brain registers: avoidance worked. So next time, it nudges you toward avoidance a little sooner, a little more convincingly.
Over time, the things that would actually help start to feel further and further away. The walk. The boundary. The breathing. The conversation you keep putting off. Not because you can’t do them — but because the loop has been running long enough that it feels that way.
Understanding that this is a pattern — not a personality flaw, not a character failing — is genuinely one of the most freeing realizations there is. Because once you see the loop, you can start to step out of it.
Finding your path — not the perfect one
Cherie wasn’t telling that jockey to ride a perfect race. She was telling them not to wait for one. Don’t stand at the gate running through everything that could go wrong. Find the path where you can move and take it.
A five-minute walk instead of thirty — that’s a path. Three slow breaths before a hard conversation — that’s a path. Doing one small thing instead of the whole list — that’s a path. None of it needs to be perfect to be worth doing. Every time you choose to move forward anyway, you’re showing your brain something different. That you can. That the loop isn’t the only option.
You don’t have to feel ready
This might be the most important thing in this entire post: you do not have to feel ready to start.
Waiting until anxiety goes away before you do the thing that helps with anxiety — that is the loop. The way out isn’t a better moment. It’s finding the path where you can move in this one. Not the perfect path. Not the path you planned. Just a path. Forward. Today.
Cherie’s jockey didn’t wait for a perfect race. They found the path. And so can you.
If anxiety has been running the show and you’re ready to explore what a different path forward could look like, I’d love to connect. Reach out to learn more about working together.
- Craske, M. G., et al. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006
- Stein, M. B., & Stein, D. J. (2008). Social anxiety disorder. The Lancet, 371(9618), 1115–1125. doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(08)60488-2
- Kendall, P. C., & Peterman, J. S. (2015). CBT for adolescents with anxiety. American Journal of Psychiatry, 172(6), 519–530. doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.14081061
This post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support.
