Hi, it’s Candice —
I’ve been reflecting on the Walk for Peace they did this year, and one of the monks was sitting there calmly with his dog Aloka curled up next to him. The monk was talking about acceptance and non-attachment to emotions, and I thought, “Wow… what a goal.”
It looked so peaceful. Zero anxiety. Total zen.
And I get why so many of us chase that idea. We have this picture in our heads that anxiety is binary: you’re either knee-deep in it, heart racing and thoughts spiraling, or you’ve “made it” and you’re calm, unattached, doing everything right like that monk.
Sounds lovely, right?
But here’s a a pattern I see: people start learning how to manage their emotions, they feel a little better, and then… they drift right back into anxiety.
Why does that happen?
It’s the inner dialogue rearing its ugly head again — that all-or-nothing thinking. “I’m either overwhelmed with anxiety or I have no anxiety at all and I’m doing everything perfectly.”
So the moment a worry pops up or the body feels a little off, the brain says, “See? You failed. You’re back at square one.” And just like that, we’re right back in the loop.
The truth is, that monk-level calm isn’t the goal for most of us — and it doesn’t have to be.
The real goal is anxiety management as a practice, not a destination.
It’s showing up consistently with small tools instead of waiting until you feel “fixed.” It’s focusing on what you can do and say in the moment rather than obsessing over the perfect outcome or zero anxiety forever.
Because chasing “no anxiety ever” just adds more pressure — and pressure is exactly what keeps high-functioning anxiety alive.
When you shift to practice mode, something powerful happens:
- You stop measuring success by whether anxiety shows up at all.
- You start measuring it by whether you responded differently this time.
- You give yourself credit for the small wins — the breath you caught, the thought you questioned, the boundary you set.
That’s how real change sticks. Not in one big breakthrough, but in the steady practice of showing up for yourself even when anxiety knocks again.
This is exactly what we talked about in the High Functioning But Fried workshop. We broke down how that all-or-nothing inner dialogue fuels anxiety and practiced simple, repeatable ways to interrupt it before it takes over.
The replay is now available with lifetime access and the full digital workbook. If you’ve ever felt like you’re holding it together on the outside while your nervous system is running hot on the inside, this workshop was made for you.
You don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to start practicing.
Grab the replay by clicking on workshops!
And if you’re ready for these ideas tailored to your exact life and stressors, my 1:1 calendar is open for a free 10-minute intro call. No pressure — just real support.
You’re already doing so much. Keep showing up for yourself, one practice at a time. You’ve got this.
References
- Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders.
- Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond.
- Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.
